When Carl Rogers, the psychotherapist, was asked how he felt about growing older he replied, “Older and growing, my friend, older and growing”.
What does being a grown up actually mean? As a child, I remember longing to be a grown up for the sense of autonomy and freedom I imagined it brought. In my late teens, I began to see things differently and felt that I wanted to run backwards into childhood. I didn’t feel ready to be “grown up”.
Are you a grown up yet? If not, why not? What’s wrong with you?
It seems to be acceptable to admit to a bit of “sorting yourself out” in your 20’s, to untangle some of the knots that you got stuck with in your childhood. But after that, surely you should have it all sorted. Then what?
All too often, growing up is measured in terms of stability, getting settled, getting it sorted, knowing it all, having made it. Got the mortgage, the life partner, maybe kids. Career path plotted, regular holidays, retirement and pension scheme all planned out, sorted.
The external manifestations, the trappings of success by which we measure and compare ourselves to others, have little to do with growing up. What about the inner journey, the journey of self-discovery, self-fulfilment, the journey towards a deepening sense of self-awareness, wisdom and compassion?
Every week I see people who have solidified, suffocated or drowned in the what they thought was “the good life”. But it’s not their life, the life that works for them, given who they are.
Everything is in constant motion, from the subatomic particles that are our universal building blocks to the majestic cliff face that is being slowly shaped by the buffeting waves. So too with humans.
Life is always throwing us the next challenge we need. Sometimes these challenges look like insurmountable obstacles rather than possibilities for growth. Ask yourself, “What is the lesson here? What can I learn? What can I let go of?”.
The person you were yesterday is not the person you are today. The choices you make today shape the person you will be tomorrow.
Evolve your thinking. Amend your character. Aspire to noble goals. Fulfil a lifelong passion.
Rediscover your childlike enthusiasm and curiosity. Keep finding ways to stretch yourself.
How long does growing up take? Hopefully a lifetime.