Christmas is a time of giving, right? What does this actually mean?

Does it mean buying lots of stuff for people, rushing round the shops, frantically picking up whatever you can, to assuage some deeper sense of guilt that you haven’t been generous enough this year? Or carefully hand-picking the exactly perfect gift, or one that you secretly might want for yourself?

Generosity is a way of being. It’s great that we have seasonal traditions that make it possible for us to remember to be generous. And then what?

Some interesting research was done at the University of Berkeley. They run an experiment to see if there was a relationship between affluence and generosity. Only, of course, they didn’t tell people what the true purpose of the experiment was. They told the volunteers that they would be tested on something else, and whilst waiting their turn, were to sit on their own in the anteroom.

On the table in the anteroom was a bowl of sweeties. The volunteers were told to help themselves, and that whatever was left in the bowl at the end of the day would be given to a local children’s charity. The real reason for the experiment was to see how people behaved around the sweeties. What they found was shocking.

There was a direct correlation between how many sweeties people ate and/or stuffed in their pockets, and their income. The richer the person, the more they took.

The same researchers studied drivers’ behaviour at pedestrian crossings. The bigger the car, the less likely the driver was to stop to allow a pedestrian to cross. Interesting!

In Senegal, where there is a lot of poverty, the cultural norm is to share. Whilst there I observed true generosity. Meals are taken from a large common plate and guests are given the best bits of the fish or meat, if there is any. Even though the family may be poor,  anyone is welcome to come in and share what they have at mealtime. No questions asked.
People who are poor materially are often more generous – with their smiles, their passing greetings, their open hearts. There is a sense of connection, belonging and mutual responsibility that makes it impossible to be okay oneself while another suffers.

On the other side, it’s ok to ask for help. It’s expected that in times of hardship,  it’s ok to receive. There is deep understanding that in order to give, truly give, we have to be able to receive. With appreciation, gratitude and a sense of the connectedness of all things. Otherwise we block the flow.

As we become more mindful, we feel this sense of connection and mutuality more fully. The barriers between me and you come down. It becomes apparent that giving starts with the self. Being generous and kind with ourselves allows us to feel generous and kind to others. It’s all the same.

Does this mean we rush out and spend all our money on ourselves? Nah! It’s not a material thing. It’s a way of being, an openness and receptivity that allows the flow from one to another, from self to self.

A smile, a greeting, a moment on the bus when you see someone else’s plight and help out, a conversation with the cashier who’s been standing there all day, a readiness to engage and be giving of oneself. It’s contagious. People notice. It affects the way the world is, profoundly. It makes a difference.

You make a difference. Be a generous giver and an excellent receiver. It’s all the same.